Six Fun Facts About Underwear
by talesofgirls19
Summary: The five times Happy saved Toby's life, and the one time he saved hers.


1.

The sweat was gathered at his temple, but he didn't dare wipe at it. The last thing he needs is for them to mistake it as a tell. Looking up from his hand to see what the dealer has placed on the table. He's got a full house, kings high, and he's pretty sure the the guy a seat to his right doesn't have much going for him. Sometimes he wishes he had more common sense, looking around the room he can tell he made a bad choice, looking at his opponents. He's playing poker with a man who has four inches and multiple pounds of muscle compared to him. Not to mention the fucking eye patch sitting over his right eye and the possible daddy issues he's picking up from the man. Then again he's kind of known for his bad choices. Patchy grumbles out his amount and shoves his chips forward. He matches the bet and raises it, and Patchy pushes forward the added amount to match him. The dealer revels the final card and he's sure he's going to beat Patchy because his kings high just went to ace high. They place a few more last minute bets and he is so happy cause now he can get a birthday present for Sylvester, and he knows how much he want that new computer and he knows he has to buy is from a specific place or Sylvester will have a emotional meltdown. And Toby may seem like a selfish jerk but he does care about people.

So he lays down his cards positive that he's got his one in the bag. The dealer announces what he has to the rest of the table and asks Patchy to show his hand. One by one his opponents cards are placed on the table and Toby feels his breath catch in his throat, because if course Patchy has a straight flush, ace high. And of course Toby has been betting with money he doesn't actually have. He curses under his breath and he's reaching for his wallet, pulls it out, and throws the money out of it onto the table before huffing and and walking out of the room and heading for the door. Just as he pulls the door open he hears Patchy yelling from the back room and he realizes they have found out that more then a third of the money was bought from the kids section of Walmart. His eyes meet the mans guarding the door and he has a split sending to get the door open the rest of the way and get the hell out of there.

He's running down the sidewalk and no matter with way he takes he can't loose the goons chasing him. He knows he's close to Happy's apartment and he hopes he can make it those two more blocks. His got his keys out and is looking for the key painted with different gears before he's heading up the stairs running to the third floor. The key slams into the lock and he's closing the door and locking the the door multiple times as soon as he's inside.

"What the hell did you do now Toby?"

He turns to see Happy sitting at her kitchen table, machine parts and various wires littering the table. He lets out a nervous chuckle and rubs the back of his neck. "Hey Happy."

Soon there was a knock on the door and Toby looked through the peep hole to see the group that has been chasing him. He rushes over to her and lifts her out of the chair. "You need to hide me. And help me. You need to help hide me." He could she her gritting her teeth.

"What. Did. You. Do." She bit out every word with anger, but before she could cause him any harm he ran into her bedroom and hid in the closet. She released a huff of air and went to answer the door. "What?" The group of man looked her over and didn't say anything. "Can't you hear? I asked what you wanted."

"We're looking for our friend, about this tall" the man held his hand out just an inch or two shorter then him "he usually has a hat on, have you seen him?"

"Sorry, I haven't. What did you say your friends name was again?" She saw all the men freeze at that question. They didn't even know his name, she held in a sigh of irritation.

"Oh don't worry about it, I'm sure we'll find him." And with that, Happy slammed the door closed. She walked into her room and opened the closet doors only to find Toby holding up a pair of lacy black underwear. She looked at him waiting for an explanation.

"Did you know that females who own lacy or frilly underware are known to be high maintenance."

2.

His body hit the ground and he felt his bones rattle. The person on top of him was straddling his hips and had their gun at the ready. A shot flew past him and he saw it connect with the tree to his right. His eyes grew wide as he met the eyes of the person on top of him. "Dear God, please don't shoot me." His eyes were squeezed shut and he heard he sigh in annoyance.

"If I wanted to shoot you I would have by now."

"Oh Happy, you saved my life."

She took a shot and knew the target was hit by the grunt they released. A sweep of the area proved that they could getup so she pushed off the ground. "It's paintball, I think you would have survived." She crouches down to pick up Toby's gun and is about to hand it to him when she notices him staring. "Just what are you looking at Toby?"

"Did you know that only 19% of women wear thongs." He looked up to met her eye and they were ice. "And that red underware mean a women is naughty, crazy, and full of life."

She lifted up the gun and flipped off the safety. "I'm detecting some anger, Happy. You are showing signs of uncontrollable rage." That was the last thing he said before happy unloaded the gun on him.

3.

"You think you can take me? I'll crush you!" He could hear Happy's shouts. The woman who had a weapon pointed in his direction moved her attention over to Happy. He saw the woman ready the weapon and was about to yell for Happy to watch out before the woman could hurt her but she was already ready and moved out of the way just in time. Happy had already gotten then weapon out of the woman's hands, she loaded her gun and shot her point blank and re two of them watched the woman disappear.

Happy threw her controller onto the couch with a huge grin. She let out a yell of victory and something along the lines of 'eat that you scum bitch! Who's the tank now?' Before throwing her headset down next to the controller. "Toby I just saved your ass, what kind of Medic does heal himself?"

"Don't yell at me! I was out of MP what did you want me to do? I spent the whole time debuffing everything you went at!" He stood up to go grab another beer only to be faced with Happy's finger jabbing him in the chest. "Can I help you Madam?"

She bent over the table to grab her beer bottle before handing it to him. "I just saved your life, the least you can do is grab me another."

He stared at her blankly before grabbing the beer bottle and heading to the kitchen. He grabbed two more and popped them open before heading back to the living room . Happy was leaning over the short coffee table picking up the empty chip bags. "I see you pick red again. Did you know that over $30 billion is spent on underwear in a year?"

Happy had never thrown a controller harder.

4.

He was gasping for breath, fingers shaking from effort and sliding from sweat. Happy looked down at him and gave him an exhausted smile. Her legs were weak and she was breath less "Is that all you've got Curtis? I thought you said you were good at this."

The behaviorist rolled his eyes and chuckled quietly before he kept going. "Happy, you're killing me, not everyone has as much energy as you." He feels his muscles tense and lets out a groan. He wasn't sure how much longer he was going to last.

"Come on, almost there." There was sweat on her brow, running down her back, but it did nothing to help her cool down. "You better not stop now." The threat was empty, her voice to wrung out to sound threatening in anyway.

He could it help it, all of a sudden his muscles tighter and he released. It felt cool and relaxing in the hot summer day. Above him Happy was yelling at him and cursing. As soon as he surfaced from the bliss he could make out was she was saying. "God damn Toby you like five feet from the top of the fucking cliff you little quitter! The hell were you thinking? Falling like that! I don't care if there's water at the bottom, you still have me a damn heat attack you little shit!"

"Sorry! At least the water feels nice!" He could hear her mumbling but had no clue what she was saying. After a minute or two she was at the top of the cliff and ready to jump into the water. "Wait! I though you said it was dangerous!"

She flipped him the bird before running and leaping off the cliff. She landed about ten feet from Toby, he lifted his hands to try and block the splash from hitting his face. She surfaced close to him and sent him a wicked smirk. "The thrill of falling is all the fun."

"And you expect me not to assess you behavior when you say thing like that." She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes. "I'm gonna go hang my clothes up to dry so I don't have to wear wet clothes on the bike."

"You might actually have actually a good idea for once." He ignored her comment and got out of the water before taking his shirt of and hanging it on a tree, his short quickly following. He turned to head back into the water only to be met with the sight of Happy taking off her shirt. "You keep ogling me like that and I drown you."

He quickly looked away and walked into the water. "Why aren't letting your shorts dry?" He should have known better then to ask, he really should have thought it through.

"Because I'm not wearing underwear Toby."

They spent the next hour swimming and making awkward small talk. They were lucking it was such a warm day, their clothes were dry in no time. After spending a few minutes air drying they started to pull on their clothes. Toby was pulling on his shirt when he felt a sharp pain in his side. "Ouch! Son of a bitch!" He lifted that part of his shirt back up only to see a bee fly away from him. "Fuck! Happy! I just got stung by a bee! Hurry get the pen!"

He could already feel his throat starting to close up. He was gasping for air and sitting on the ground. Every breath was labored and he was starting to worry that Happy wouldn't find the drug in time, but then he felt another sharp sting on his thigh. Slowly he was able to breath and he realized his reaction wasn't bad enough that they'd have to go the the hospital afterwards. Happy and her hands on his face and softly slapping his cheek. "Toby, are you okay? Are you breathing fine? Do I have to take you to the hospital? Holy shit I just saved your life."

He smiled weakly before responding. "Did you know that one out of ten women don't like to wear underwear, even more women don't where underwear when working out. "

The soft slaps she was giving him turned to a hard one. She didn't have to ask if he was okay.

5.

He didn't like this plan. Nope not one bit. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Somehow they had ended up needing to infiltrate an underground gambling and burlesque club. That even sounds like bad news.

He didn't even have a problem with first half of the plan. Oh no he was fine with that, Sylvester and him were going to be inside gambling using Sylvester's human calculator head and he was going to be sitting on the sidelines observing other gamblers. Walter and Paige stayed behind to Walter could hack into the cameras from the van parked outside. He wasn't going to point out the fact that Walter just didn't want Paige to go inside with them.

No. What he had a problem with was the fact that Happy was going to be undercover as one of the burlesque dancers. Oh yes he had a problem with that. All in all, that wouldn't have been too bad if not for the costume that she was in. The corset, the lacy underwear, the garter belt; that's what was bothering him. She looked beautiful and he couldn't keep his eyes off her, and neither could any of the other men in the area. Poor Sylvester was pretty much on his own when it came to this, not even gambling could pull his gaze away from her.

As he watched Happy walk off stage Toby noticed one of the men stand up and approach her. The main grab her arm and pulled her way in the back room, she was trying to casually pull her arm away, he didn't have to think twice about following them.

When he got into the room he saw the man walking the mechanic towards a corner, she was trapped between two walls and a largely muscled man. All he had to do was distract the meathead long enough food for Happy to get away. "Hey guys! I was wondering if you know where I could find a bathroom?"

Meathead spoke up before Happy could offer to show him. "Get out of here Tinker Bell, we don't have time for you, can't you see we're busy?"

"Christ man, calm down. I just wanted to know where to piss." He faked that he was going to leave but stopped to ask Happy if she was okay.

"She fine, now leave." Toby raise his hands in surrender, but quickly threw a punch to the mans face. He grabbed Happy's hand and started pulling her away until he heard a click echo through the air. It sounded hell of a lot like a gun being cocked. Well fuck. "What are you gonna do now Princess? Give me my girl back."

"She is very obviously a woman you meathead." Happy walked back to the man and stood at his side. Toby's face dropped, did she actually want this guy?

"See, told you we were busy. Now because you were so kind and decided to take a swing at me, I'm gonna have to put a few bullets into ya. Nothing personal." The mans eyes flew open as an arm went around his neck and a leg kick his gun out of his hand. She cut off his air way and brought her knee up swiftly. The guy would be lucky if he could have kids after that.

"Wow, my hero." Happy's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Did you know, that women use to wear corsets so tightly that after time it molded their rib cages into a different shape that stopped lungs from fully expanding?"

"I just saved you from being shot, and you give me a fun fact instead of a thank you?" A wide grin covered his face.

"Also, black underwear means that your practical, courageous, ambitious, and strong. Did you bring those from home?"

Toby wasn't sure he was able to have kids either, after that comment.

+1

She carefully looked at all of the colored wires before grabbing her clippers and getting ready to cut. However, she didn't expect to hear Toby's voice yelling from across the room. It caught her off guard, causing her to accidentally hit a live wire. She felt the jolt up her arm and though her body before she saw black.

"Oh shit!" Toby ran over to Happy and checked her pulse. It was still there. "Um okay, mouth to mouth, you can do this Toby. It's just Happy." He wasn't actually sure what to do around electricity so he decided he should get ride of any metal on him. He quickly lost his belt, hoodie, and jeans. Tipping her mouth open and plugging her nose and blew, then he followed with compressions. He checked for breathing, none, so he repeated it over and over.

Happy gasped for air and sat up slowly. "Holy mother, you're okay! wait, you are okay right?"

"I'm fine Toby. Did you just give me mouth to mouth?"

He nervously scratched the back of his head and nodded. "I knew you wouldn't want to go to the hospital. Are you sure you're okay? 100% sure?"

She took note of Toby leaning against the wall, was he not wearing pants? A tired smirk made its way onto her lips.

"blue underwear means that you mysterious, pleasant, and creative."


End file.
